a psych story...

man, i've been having some strange dreams lately..  they've been seemingly positive, however..  in one dream, my interviewer from stony brook called up and said i was accepted to medical school (obviously being her first choice)..  and in another, i teamed up with a traffic cop and executed an undercover sting operation that involved sandwiches (or something)..  but alas, that's why they're called dreams..  so what's really been going on...

i've pretty much continued to be a bum..  i wouldn't say that having an ipod ruined my life -- but it certainly has put my life into ruin..  it's funny how i'm such a whining bitch when it comes to reviewing 60-80 files for my lab project, but i have no problems going through 400 songs to individually adjust volume levels and label them accordingly in my playlists..  however, either way i get paid..  working at home definitely has its benefits, just as long as you don't do anything productive..

actually, i've been scrambling around a bit during the month of december..  i did go to the lab a couple times to meet with german coworker and blamed any problems with the lab on gay dan (i'm not sure if i mentioned that gay dan now has a replacement, gay aaron [aka useless philosophy major coworker])..  in a way, my lab project has proceeded backwards..   i got results and presented a poster in miami last april..  then after months of doing nothing, i decided to select inclusion criteria for the subjects..  and in one conversation with german coworker, she was like: "Hey, wait.  Did you actually get permission for this study?  Or?" ..  it's too bad that i didn't write the paper first, which is what i have to do now..  it worked for the koreans, didn't it? ..  but in my case, i'm just lazy..  i'm sure the scientific world will understand that..

christmas wasn't too bad..  i got my nephew steven this playskool busy ball popper -- which i daresay is the rolls royce of ball poppers for babies 6 months and above (it requires 4 D batteries to pimp it out)..  it took a lot of fuckin' trouble to get it, too..  at first, i went to a kay-bee toys outlet store which wasn't really too helpful..  a salesperson told me (almost verbatim): "Look, we're an outlet store.  We just get the crap left over from other stores, so we don't really have any mainstream toys." ..  i actually did see a ghetto version of the toy (made in mexico), but i was like, no..  i WILL persevere in this quest..  so i headed off to roosevelt field mall and almost died (it was 3 shopping days before christmas)..  after driving about 100 miles and crossing the street like frogger, i finally found this damn elusive toy..  i almost shoved this woman out of the way and lifted the toy from its shelf like king arthur with excalibur..  then when steven finally got it, he didn't seem that interested..  the toy actually blows balls too far out of the container, which is probably a factory defect but is instead described "for extra fun!" ..

my other nephew justin is doing pretty well..  my google brother and i got him these bob the builder legos (pretty expensive, at $30)..  justin always loves coming to our house and he even likes giving presents to other people..  i know he's a happy kid because during another time he came over (at thanksgiving), he asked me to draw a house with me, my mom + dad, and him + steven inside..  it was like those psychology experiments you see on tv, like with an unhappy family, the kid would leave shit out or draw the uncle holding a beer bottle or something (at least not this time)..  anyway, justin's a fun kid..  he likes playing ping pong with me and even liked this bean bag chair i bought from target for $20..  my nephew knows good bargains..  i also bought these sheep wool slippers from costco for $12..  they feel like stepping on little sheep, which is totally worth it..

 
                         Pride and Fugly (BBC Series)                                        Pride and Improved (Movie Version...  Okay, so I'm shallow)

for some reason, i read the book pride and prejudice..  don't ask me why, i was just bored..  i can see why i didn't read it in high school (i probably was supposed to)..  first off, it starts off fuckin' slow..  i just don't have the patience for dialogue such as: "Well, Mr. Darcy.  Do you find this objectionable?" "No, Elizabeth, I do not find it not unobjectionable, not half as much at the very least notforswhich do I find you as pleasant and amiable as the tea and crumpets I just ate." ..  i thought about watching the movie (okay, i'll give a reason..  keira knightley), but reading the book made me so much more certain of my masculinity that i watched brokeback mountain..  okay, actually i didn't, but i bet the head of my biology department at college did (several times)..  anyway, i was reading movie reviews for pride and prejudice, and one common critique was that keira knightley is "too pretty"..  i'm sorry, but that's bullshit..  it's like when i say "I work too hard" during medical school interviews..  sure, in the book, jane austen remarks that elizabeth isn't the most beautiful daughter in the family, but damn it, when are we supposed to take books literally? ..  i should be an english professor with that argument..  but for the record, i did like pride and prejudice (the porn version)..

so going back to my dreams, i actually did have a medical school interview about 2 weeks ago..  i interviewed at the school before, and both times i got a fuckin' old person as an interviewer..  sure, old people are nice to talk to but i feel like i'm going to crush their damn hands..  and well..  they're old!! ..   but i've come to the conclusion that while the interview is important, it's hard to fuck up..  i've got a couple more schools coming up, so i just got to restrain my more jerkish qualities..  and i got to lie better in regards to how i spend my time..  also, did i mention that i went to traffic court? ..  yeah, so apparently it's some law that you can't drive 90 mph on the highway..  down with the system! ..  i swear, everyone's plotting against me (meaning traffic cops + old people)..

according to my calculations, i did just about nothing in the past 2 months..  that's right..  i've successfully been a bum since taking mcats (hooray! ..  incidentally, i did get my scores back last week and was in the 92-94th percentile..  i even did better in the writing section than last time, which cracks me up)..  although, i suppose that if i had to sum up, here's a couple of significant events (listed mostly in order):

1. Beat various video games from the 1980s + early 90s.
   These included: Sopwith (old DOS game), Bruce Lee (from the Commodore 64 days), Street Fighter, Cavemen Ninja, P.O.W., Karate Champ (actually it's unbeatable), Robocop, The Punisher, and Minesweeper (without marking mines, of course).  This isn't really anything to be proud of.  It seems like I'm always challenging my ability to do absolutely nothing -- and being remarkably successful at it.

 
These are actually all the characters in the game Bruce Lee.

2. Reunited (non-homosexually) with a friend I met in China 7 years ago.
   It's pretty funny that this actually happened.  We met up in NYC and drank unlimited mimosas at a place called Artepasta (around Greenwich and 11th/12th Street [check it out for Sunday Brunch]).  Turns out my friend was also in China the past summer, drinking unlimited beer (it's cheaper than water there) in rural Southern China while discovering lost relatives.

3. Completed 12 medical school apps.
   This is pretty much old hat for me.  For all practical purposes, I'm done (interviews hopefully coming soon).  However, yesterday I added 7 more schools because I like punishment.  I'd say that I've put up about $1500 in application fees this year   Sadly, my continued "work" at the lab hasn't even made up for this (more on this later).

4. My nephew Justin finally got potty trained.
   It's kind of funny when toddlers finally "get it" because it's at that point they emphatically announce they have to go to the bathroom.  Just out of the blue, they'd say "I have to pee!"  Although one time when we visited Justin with my aunt/uncle, he almost shat on the floor.  Incidentally, Justin started pre-preschool last month.  That's a good way to establish dominance.


         Poop!

5. Visited my brother and sister in California.
   My mom and I actually flew over first class to San Francisco (which was really fun -- I did fly first class on an international flight 3 years ago, but didn't enjoy it then because that's when I started having back problems).  We met up with my sibs, shopped around at Ikea, ate out a lot, and toured Google (where my brother works).  There's almost no way that I can fully describe the Google experience.  It's just fuckin' amazing in terms of what they do and how the employees get treated (free cafeteria food [can't realy complain when there's filet mignon and grilled scallops for lunch], valet parking, snacks, massage chairs, gym membership -- and if that doesn't convince you, I bet the HEATED TOILET SEATS will).  I discovered that there actually is such a thing called "job satisfaction / fulfillment" in life.  But alas, it's at Google.

6. Went back to work (briefly).
   I can't even go back to the lab anymore.  It's like the twilight zone.  My Big Gay Boss actually got married to his girlfriend (after about a year -- that's the second marriage [although fourth overall at the lab] that happened like that [the other being Iron Chef Coworker] since I've been working there.  Not that that matters, it's just that he didn't really seem the marrying type [and I think it's supposedly a secret around the lab]).  The new guy that replaced Gay Dan (who replaced me) is a philosophy major and therefore useless, so that will be his name (Useless Philosophy Major Coworker).  Anyway, I haven't been doing shit (and I "work" at home).  At first I felt bad, but then after two weeks, I theorized: "Hey, I work part-time.  So that's really one week of doing nothing." -- which isn't that much different from real work.  Then after about four weeks of doing nothing, it's like, okay, that's two weeks; a full paycheck's worth (I've done that before).  However, I discovered a bit later that I was only being paid about 2 days a week for doing nothing (rather than 3 days).  So out of principle, I had to continue doing more nothing (or should it be less nothing?) for the next month.  I remember Googling some of my classmates from college.  Those damn overachievers.

7. Started working out again.
   I realize this is starting to get boring (Fall has to be my least favorite season, btw).  Anyway, I've been back at the gym for the past 4 weeks (after a respite of about 3 months).  I've been drinking this Cookies and Cream protein shake, which isn't the most appetizing color-wise (it's gray).  Sometimes I pretend that it's the ashes of my enemies, which I must drink to gain their strength.  It's delicious.  I'm not sure why I mention this, but I started watching the TV show Lost.  I want the characters to eat each other.

8. Got some gadgets for my birthday.
   My birthday was pretty uneventful.  It usually is because it occurs around school and I always have shit to do.  But given that it was my quarter century anniversary, I bought a flatscreen TV (not a flat panel TV; this bastard weighed 70 lbs).  Actually, the reason was because all the other TVs in the house died (except for ironically, this old wood paneled TV [possibly more wood than TV] that you had to physically turn a dial to adjust the volume) and I'm extremely lazy.  The TV that I replaced died about 4 months ago (only a thin line would show up in the middle of the screen, not even an inch thick).  There were times when I'd just sit in front of that fuckin' TV and watch that line for hours.  It was pretty good entertainment.

however, this year's birthday loot turned out to be pretty good..  my oldest brother got me an iPod nano (i received it today), which is pretty sweet..  it's black and looks like the one pictured above (the puubsPod), except mine got a couple scratches after breathing on it..  it's definitely a great piece of technology..  steve jobs is certainly a bastard for always releasing new versions of iPods, so it's taken me a number of years to realize what the fuss was about..  you can call me ignorant, but i like to think of myself as overly cautious and analytical (and of course, i'm incredibly cheap)..  i remember when people first started using the internet for shopping in the late 90s, i was like: "That'll never catch on." ..  even before that, i thought digital music would never take off (it kept crashing my cheap computer, and i felt oh, well paid CD music must be much better)..  and when people started viewing porn on internet, i thought: "That'll never...  Oh wait, it's free?" ..  so let that be a lesson to all of you..

MCATs are done and finished (for good, hopefully)..  don't ask how it went because i don't even remember..  i was so groggy in the morning (slept from about 1030 pm to 3 am, drank some fanta [wow, that was a good idea], read a couple articles on NYTimes.com, and ended going back to sleep at 530 am + waking up at 630 am), although i'm usually like that on test taking days..  for breakfast i had some fanta (another good idea), sticky rice, and a croissantwich + milk..  during test-taking, i kept eating balance bars every break -- which were great, gave me energy and kept me non-hungry, although eating about 1200 calories worth is probably a meal in itself..  overall, the test was alright..  my mental cognition improved through the day, although that may have just been a chemical feeling..

what's always entertaining is the writing portion of the test..  i remembered an article i once read in which test graders admitted that the accuracy (as in historical facts, names, dates) or personal view of the essay doesn't matter too much, just as long as you get your point across..  you would think this to be a pretty reasonable policy, but you can't imagine some of the unreasonable shit you can think up of in 30 minutes..  i think i may put this theory to the test (again), especially when i came home and did some fact checking..  soo, apparently:

1. The woman's movement for voting was called suffrage, and the women themselves suffragists (or suffragettes).
  I wrote that they were abolitionists (although I said they were for women's equality).  I knew it sounded funny though.  But hey, it's hard to keep this straight -- I'm not a history major after all (there's prohibition, abolition, suffrage).  However, I also wrote about the Underground Railroad, so that's probably where the confusion came in.  I really didn't know about either topic too much and when I tried to think of some women, all I remembered was Susan B. Anthony.  But I couldn't remember her name at the time, so I didn't include her and figured that saying "that woman on the silver dollar" wouldn't be too intellectual.  Good thing I avoided being a fool.

2. Apparently, the women's suffrage movement took about 50 years (right after the Civil War until around 1920).
  I wrote that it took "a couple years."  My bad.  I just remembered that their first election was in the 1920s and they voted for the handsome candidate (seriously, that's what I learned in high school).

3. Eric Schmidt was "the founder" of Google.
  Actually, he's the CEO.  I remembered a quote from one of the co-founders (Larry Page + Sergei Brin) and that was the name that popped into my head.  The topic of this essay was "The overabundance of information on the Internet makes it not useful."  The other essay topic was "Positive social change requires a good leader." Basically, if one of the test graders is a suffragist from the 1920s and freed slaves using Google, I'm screwed.

all things aside, i can only hope that my maturity gave me more consistent and better test taking skills over the years (the last time i took MCATs was 4 years ago)..  so i'm fucked..  the thing about the MCATs is that is really is a test of useless shit..  i took 7 practice tests (5-6 hours each) before the exam, and y'know what? ..  NONE of that shit was on the exam..  anyway, it's over..  i'll be getting more sleep, and my hands won't be so cramped from writing notes..  it took more than 300 hours to study for that bitch..  i thought i would make sweet love to her before breaking it off, but in reality, she surprised me with whips + chains and i was made her bitch..

so what's next..  well, there's a lot of things i can be doing..  and for once, i actually intend to do them..  of immediate priority is medical school apps and work (which i should be able to finish up for good, perhaps in a month), then EMTing and travel..  also, i may just torture myself by making and eating my own food..  i wouldn't call this cooking (at least not yet)..  my food is an absolute abolition..  as is often the case with my writing..